So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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