i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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