there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize