i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
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i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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