So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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