If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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