people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
