I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
