Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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