Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
