If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize