Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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