I'm going to jail i love you
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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