I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
