Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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