Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
