Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
