i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
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