apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
