My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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