The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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