and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
