She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize