Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
