a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
