It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
