I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
