Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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