I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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