oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
