I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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