You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
