you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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