you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
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I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
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Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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