okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Sorry my hands just texted you
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
