Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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