why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
