I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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