it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
