Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
