you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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