If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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