return my video game
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
