he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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