Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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