He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
