i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
