Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
