That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
