we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
