real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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