I'm drive I can fine osifer
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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