I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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