Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
