You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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