Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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