There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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