just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We need to get me chipped asap
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