Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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