I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
