"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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