Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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