i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
