I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
