I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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