I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
